Lune is French for the word moon, and is also used in classic English literature in poetic references to the moon.
Tonight, the moon is in the phase known as waning gibbous, slowly darkening but still about 72% visible, just before Friday’s last quarter moon.
In a few more days, before the total darkness of the new moon, it will be a waning crescent, a curved sliver of fading light.
The crescent moon and the gibbous moon – these are the forms that lend themselves pictorially to what has been called the American haiku, the modern poetic structure also known as the lune.
Robert Kelly is a renowned American poet with over fifty books of poetry and prose to his name.
Among these works, “Kill the Messenger Who Brings Bad News” won the Los Angeles Times First Annual Book Award in 1980, and “In Time” won the American Book Award in 1991. He received an Award for Distinction from the National Academy and Institute of Arts and Letters and a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts.
Kelly was among those who experimented heavily with the standard Japanese haiku form, the 5-7-5 syllabic structure that focussed on naturalistic themes.
He felt that writers in English had difficulty adhering to the core esthetic of Japanese haiku partly because the syllabic requirement led to the writer using too many words. In addition, traditional haiku has strict requirements on theme and technique.
Condensing the haiku to a 5-3-5 syllabic form, Kelly discovered that this new structure naturally led to simplicity in the English language.
Kelly’s work underlined the form’s simplicity by omitting capitalization and end punctuation, but the 5-3-5 syllabic structure is the only requirement. There are no requirements on having a nature theme, the poem may rhyme or not, may use similes or metaphors or any other poetic device.
Since the syllabic form mirrored a crescent moon – and because there are 13 lunar months in a year, the same number of total syllables in the form – he called the form a lune.
Following his first book of poems in 1961, “Armed Descent”, Kelly published the 40-page “Knee Lunes” and the 24-page “Pars Artis: A Sortie of Lunes” in 1962, both of which focussed on the new form.
Finally, in 1964, he published “Lunes/Sightings” – with Jerome Rothenberg, his partner in the Deep Image poetic movement – with Hawk’s Well Press in New York.
As Kelly stated in an interview with The Modern Review, he considered this new book one of his most important, a volume which became known for “floating a new form I ‘invented’.”
As an example, here is one of his lunes from “Knee Lunes”:
thin sliver of the
crescent moon
high up the real world
There is another form of the lune, which in some ways is simpler, and thus more widely-taught in the primary and secondary schools.
This alternative version of the form was created by American poet and essayist Jack Collom, who is credited with over twenty-three books on poetry and education, and whose poetry has been collected in numerous magazines and anthologies, ranging from “Best Poems of 1963” to “The Best American Poetry 2004”.
In Collom’s variation of the lune, words are counted instead of syllables, and the structure is a count of 3-5-3 words.
This version was apparently created by accident. Collom had purchased a copy of “Knee Lunes” in the 1970s, when he was working with schoolchildren, and in the classroom he misremembered Kelly’s structure.
The new form stuck because words were easier for the children to count than syllables – thus making it easier and more enjoyable for them to create poetry. The form has been taught this way for over 35 years.
In the mid-70s, Collom contacted Kelly to ask his permission to continue using the term lune with the 3-5-3 word form in the classroom, and Kelly agreed.
However, to distinguish the two variations, the 5-3-5 syllabic form has been called the Kelly lune; and the 3-5-3 word form has been called the Collom lune.
In “Moving Windows: Evaluating the Poetry Children Write”, Collom gives some examples of 3-5-3 word lunes by primary schoolchildren, including
When the sun’s
rays hit the shades, it
lights up lines.
As he noted, “Lunes are like crackerjacks… I told a junior high class this and a girl came back the next day with 120.”
I don’t expect anyone to come up with 120 lunes in one night…
But tonight, in celebration of the last quarter moon, I invite you to contribute a single or a string of lunes, in whatever variation you feel like embracing –
– a 5-3-5 syllabic Kelly lune, or
– a 3-5-3 word Collom lune
Please don’t forget to visit the poems of your fellow writers and leave them a note or two in passing.
… And tip the hat to Robert Kelly and Jack Collom, for this uniquely enjoyable modern form.
—–
Samuel Peralta – on Twitter as @Semaphore – is the author of five titles in The Semaphore Collection – Sonata Vampirica, Sonnets from the Labrador, How More Beautiful You Are, Tango Desolado and War and Ablution – all #1 on the Amazon Kindle List of Hot New Releases in Poetry on their debut.
Copyright (c) Samuel Peralta. All rights reserved.
Images public domain / via WikiMedia Commons or as attributed.
very cool sam…i like the Collum lunes quite a bit… the 3-5-3 word count gives more possibilities than the 3-5-3 syllable count..and i find it amazing what images can be created with just 11 words…
I agree. The 3-5-3 syllabic Kelly lune comes closer to the Japanese esthetic, but the 5-3-5 word Collom lune opens up so many more possibilities in expression.
taught in primary and secondary schools…see that is right up my alley….ha. by far the easiest form for me…but probably the one i had the most fun writing…go figure…no broken pencils or paper balls….just settled into my lotus position on the back porch and let it go….
look forward to reading everyone elses take…
oh can you post a pic of you sitting in the lotus position…i would LOVE to see that…smiles
haha… funny!
that sounds like a dare…hmm…let me see what i can do for you…smiles.
you must be meditating, too
ok, poetics or OLN…i will make it happen…ha…
lol… can’t wait
Brian in a lotus position? That may be too much Japanese esthetic even for me!
Brian! I am so glad to have found a form that doesn’t end up for you in broken pencils!
Thanks, Sam! Looks like fun. They seem like little puzzles.
puzzle snapshots…it’s def. much fun…
they def made me think of little snaphots….polaroids…
Polaroids are a good analogy for standalone lunes.
Yes, I used linked lunes in my own composition, like little puzzles.
Thanks so much for this informative essay… I enjoyed learning more about the lune form.
Thanks Laurie, I’ll be by in a bit, glad to see you here!
Awesome article Sam…and so happy to play along this week! Be back soon!
look forward to it tash…
so you make time for it in between drinking champagne and eating birthday cake…? smiles
Happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear Tash,
happy birthday to you…. smiles
Happy Birthday, Tash!
Happy birthday Tash ~
woohoo…birthday tash…have you hit legal drinking age yet youngun? smiles.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 🙂
Yay Tash. Happy Birthday!!
What? It’s your birthday? Well, happy you! Happy all! 🙂
Thank you for lovely post Sam ~ I must admit this form was easier for me as I write a lot of haiku in my other blog ~ Looking forward to everyone’s share ~
Happy Thursday from snowy Toronto ~
Grace
oh i wish we had some snow over here…but it’s just rain, rain, rain…ugh…
It’s only a tiny bit of snow right now, just enough for atmosphere…
Grace, thanks so much for stopping by… yes, regular haiku-writers are going to find this fairly easy, and I’m expecting that your work will be quite polished as well. Looking forward to it!
Thanks for the article Sam. This is a form that I’d never heard of – possibly a trans-Atlantic thing. Anyway, I mostly enjoyed writing mine. It looks easy when you start, but every so often the word count jumps up and bites you … I think I got there in the end.
do you need band-aid for the bites…? smiles
There are a ton of forms I’d never heard of either, but doing Form For All has opened a lot of these up to me… so I’m very glad to share!
Well, I did a Jack Collom in more then one way as distracted by domestic ‘ahem’ discussion. So inadvertently changed the structure to a 5-3-5 word count!
oh we’re flexible you know…smiles
ha…you did to his form what he did to the haiku so i imagine he would appreciate….
A 5-3-5 word count! I guess you’ve invented a new form!
Glad to see you all here… will get out o. The trail when I get home! Happy writing!
take your time
we hold down the fort
until you arrive
….see, i’m only talking in lunes from today on…hehe
lunes a’la lune
smiles.
smiles…will say hi to the moon when i fall asleep in a minute..
See you tomorrow, Claudia!
It IS addictive,
and fits so well with
how we talk.
😉
I totally enjoyed this. I’m keeping both forms and using them again, a lot, often! Thanks. Happy New Year.
cool. good to see you susan…
Glad to hear this one worked for you, Susan, the lune became a favourite once I’d learned about it, as well!
very interesting. thank you for introducing this intriguing form!
yours were seriously amazing….esp the second and third…liked much…
thank you so much!
My pleasure, Miriam, thanks so much for stopping by!
I posted my poem a while ago, am just checking in here right now….saying hello to everyone. Sam, I enjoyed your article. And I have enjoyed reading a lot of fine ‘lunes’ so far. So much talent here!
Thanks for stopping by, Mary, will have a look real soon! The article was much fun to write, I did more research for this one to fill in the blanks. Kelly’s own bio does not mention the 1962 chapbooks, but I did find reference to them in the Google digitised library!
I always learn new things from the pub. Thanks for the lessons and the nicely written pieces. 🙂
you did well…i def like your last one…made me smile….
Cheers Miranda, so glad you could join in!
I love this prompt. So am I to understand that there is no cut in the lune?
i believe the only requirements are the word count shawna…use whatever poetric device you would like…
What does “poetric” mean? Now I’m really confused! 😉
poetic….oy
i have a hard time believing you confused…smiles.
I think “poetric” is like electric poetry. You’re just saving space by combining the words. Am I right?
exactly…you know me and these forms…i like to break them apart and make them my own so…smiles.
😉
You know me, I like to write the fewest number of words I can get away with, so …
The only requirement for the Kelly lune is the syllabic count per line, and the only requirement for the Collom lune is the word count per line. That’s it!
For a string of lunes, just conform with the above. I’ve seen no rules on enjambments, single images, or any other device.
My goal was not to string, but to sing-ular. I assume that’s what was done in the classroom, particularly with the little ones.
sing-ular….hehe
I can’t help but be silly. You may have noticed. 😉
Silly is more than acceptable, we are, after all, talking the about the “lune”!
lol
Thank you, Samuel. I love these short forms. I enjoy the “less is more” requirement.
So do I, except when going after word counts on novels!
Hi Sam – fun forms; thanks, both new to me, and very interesting. I’m not really feeling very well and in a perverse sort of mood, but I did enjoy the exercise. It is very interesting too to think about with enjambment – to kind of use both a bit. I don’t think i did! But it’s an interesting combination. (I’m talking more about the Collom ones here.)
Enjoyed yours. k.
Glad you enjoyed that!
I’ve experimented with and without enjambment for strings of lunes, and the effect is very different. You use it or not, depending on what kind of effect you intend for the macro view.
Samuel:
Thank you! That was a fantastic explanation of the form, its nuances and variants.
I kept it short and sweet. But I must say, stringing short forms together seems a flagrant violation of the spirit of the form. I like short form constraining verbosity.
But viva la rebellion! 🙂
I appreciate your thoughts, and thanks for trying this out!
The haiku evolved from the independent hokku portion of a renga, or a linked-verse chain (e.g. short forms linked together into a long form).
All I’m doing is reversing the process, taking the lune and re-working it as a long form. I’m allowed to do this because I’ve already done hundreds of experiments using the pure lune form 🙂
…And because it’s fun! Vive la revolution!
@ Samuel:
Yes, I understand how one could revert back to verbosity, but Haiku and Lune were moves away from that — as you said:
But keep the revolving door a turning ! Smile
Thanx for visiting my poem — I changed two words in it and hope the change were an improvement.
True, but that was the Kelly lune, and I still think that form captures the Japanese esthetic the best of any variant. The Collom lune was the first step back into expansiveness. 🙂
Re-visited your blog, and yes, definitely the changes you made were for the better. Trust your instincts in your own work, as I do for mine, on whether to tweak or keep things as they are Those instincts are usually right.
Hey, thanx for the reply and revisiting the re-write.
Sincerely,
Sabio
Hi everyone,
thank you for the article. Apparently my mind wandered as I was writing my lunes, so I kind of messed up the directions..but I posted anyway 🙂
Sasha
Well, since Collom’s mind wandered when he was teaching the lune to his students, I guess you’re in good company!
Love the Lune!
I’ve read about Kelly’s take on fewer syllables and think it does come closer to the original Haiku, though it’s a challenge to pull off!
i might have to try that one…the words way was pretty easy, but i like the freedom of it…
Yes, I agree, Kelly’s formulation does come closer to the haiku esthetic – but it’s all good. 🙂
Well, that’s all for tonight, folks… I’ve been able to visit everyone, and there has been an anthology-full of incredible lunes out there. I’m hoping there will be an ark-full of new ones tomorrow.
Until then – have a good night!
Thanks for bringing out the Lunes tonight…hahaa, didn’t even think of how that sounded before I wrote it, but hey, it’s funny so I’ll keep it in here. I’ve always liked this form a lot and have done some before, but, you know, it’s one of those that I had actually forgotten all about, been at least a year or so since I wrote my last before tonight. They are a lot of fun and so many excellent responses read so far tonight. Thanks again Sam. Great 1st form-for-all of 2013.
Good morning Fred! Glad to see you first thing today! Yes, I decided to do the lune just to warm things up – it’s a straightforward form with few rules, so that people can easily join in. Much fun!
I’m glad to join in tonight for I was at a loss for something to write…I chose the 5-3-5 word variation…even used the lunar theme as my theme…hope it’s kosher..thanks for the great intro…
A lunar theme for the lune is definitely kosher, can’t wait to have a look!
Interesting. Have rattled off a few. As always, would have liked more time, but really appreciated this.
They’re like m&m’s aren’t they – do one and you want to do some more!
..happy evening… and tnx Sam, sir for introducing us to la lunes… smiles…
No problem, and glad you could make it with us today!
Forty-five poets in the mix so far… and nearly approaching two hundred lunes, as far as I can tell.
Please share this challenge and get other poets to contribute, let’s see if we can make this compendium the largest collection of examples of the form anywhere!
Thank you so much, Samuel, for introducing this form; they are like popping candy (and we all indulge at this time of year). Chose Robert Kelly’s version, and hope I did him justice…
Must wait till after work to read everyone, though 😦
Well done! I really liked what you did with the Kelly lune… and thank you for stopping by 🙂
great to see you ds….smiles…happy new year!
Great article. As a point of interest, in your opinion, how does simply changing the syllable-count begin to retain the core aesthetics of japanese micropoetry? The haiku specifically? Even if the theme is modern, there are certain aspects to a haiku that, if absent, will render the piece, um, haiku-less. In fact, 98% + of what I see as being labelled as ‘haiku’ are not (in my opinion), and it has nothing to do with syllable-count. A haiku does not use western poetic device, and paints two contrasting images in minimalist poetry, the first in the first two lines and the the second in the last line. These are separated by a ‘cut’ that is like the turn or Volta in a sonnet – some call this the ‘a-ha!’ moment. At least, it’s a change in tone that shows movement in the piece. Without these elements (the seasonal ref and nature-base aren’t necessary to retain haiku feel, we can write about modern things), it cannot be haiku. It helps a little to use lowercase and no/minimal punctuation, but Kelly and Collom missed the point, it seems to me. If we write about people/society and our quirks, it’s not haiku, but senryū. It still requires some technique, though. In those rare moments I encounter a real haiku, I realise why I don’t write them – more than when I see micropoetry in 5-7-5 calling itself ‘haiku’ – because it is quite an art, and I don’t feel I’ve mastered it yet. Ginsburg’s ‘American Sentence’ is a valid attempt at haiku becoming something Western poets can write properly, tho’ I reject what Kerouac did with the form. Pound’s forays felt like haiku to me. There’s a wonderful article I stumbled on called ‘The Truth About Lies: Why I Hate Haiku’ – says a lot of what I feel about it –
http://jim-murdoch.blogspot.co.uk/2009/04/why-i-hate-haiku.html
I’d be interested in hearing your opinion on this. I forget about it for stretches, but it always (always) returns, because there is just so much ‘haiku’-writing going on amongst western poets. Twitter is a nightmare. Am I pedantic? I just feel names denote a particular thing – a form of poetry, in this case – and the looser that gets, the less a noun used to point to it carries weight. Plus we’re talking about an ancient and noble tradition that rare few take time to learn to write properly. It’s not about disliking modern/modified versions. I’m all for that, whatever the form. But retaining ‘core aesthetics’, to use those words again, is paramount: without, it cannot be subsumed under the name of that particular form. A sonnet is not simply a poem with 14 lines, though there are poets who will argue that. Similarly, a haiku is not simply a three-liner following a specific syllable-count. This is my opinion, of course, and not fact. What is your opinion?
Luke, I appreciate your note, and where you’re coming from. Thank you for making the point.
As with sonnets, there’s a spectrum of difference when you look at what different writers and scholars think of as poetry in the spirit of true haiku. I’ve even had discussions with quite learned Japanese scholars, in the course of my ‘adaptations’ of Japanese poetry, parrticularly that of Kotaro Takamura, on how true to the original esthetic my versions are.
My opinion – and it is only an opinion – is that forms developed within a specific linguistic construct will always be difficult to port into a different construct, if not impossible. The term ‘American haiku’ is therefore a misnomer, and we need to treat the lune as a structure completely independent of ‘true’ haiku, whatever that means.
I can’t say exactly what Kelly was attempting, but definitely attacking the problem merely by imposing a syllabic requirement only serves to address one aspect of the issue – verbosity. To then allow other poetic devices (metaphors, similes, non-naturalistic subjects) veers the lune away from the haiku entirely. But simplifying the language brings you closer, even if only by a whisper.
In terms of Collom’s motivations, my thinking is that his variation was not meant to create another structure to capture the haiku esthetic – instead, it was pedagogical in nature. He wanted a teaching tool, a structure that was straightforward for schoolchildren to understand and write for. How much simpler than a structure based on word count, and again allowing any other poetic device (if any). It worked! His classes were imbued with a love of poetry they might never have had if they were asked to write to the strictures of Shakesperian sonnets, let alone haiku.
The article, and the comments attached, aren’t meant to be taken to be any final word on what does or does not constitute the core esthetic of any cultural poetry form. The article and my comments are tailored to express and encourage an appreciation of poetry. The level of detail of any comment should be determined by how far along any individual author is on their journey to full understanding and appreciation of poetry; otherwise, you can strangle any such appreciation.
As you say, names express a particular thing, a form of poetry, and so we can be glad that Kelly actually called his creation a ‘lune’ – signifying a totally different object – rather than an ‘American haiku’, a shorthand that reviewers and editors have used to describe his invention. While I wouldn’t strictly subscribe to saying the shorthand is accurate, it eases the understanding, however incomplete, of what a lune is.
I don’t write a lot of haiku. I can count those I’ve written, and not torn up, using two hands – and for probably the same reasons you have. But there is something to be gained by trying.
And yes – Twitter is a nightmare. But I do appreciate the people who value poetry in any form, true haiku or not, literary or not, well-written or not – because I would rather they appreciate poetry, than they not appreciate poetry at all.
Yes, you speak great truths. And I did want to say that my bringing this up is in no way intended as an attack on either your article/choice of subject for the exercise, or on those poets taking part. Firstly, you are I think the finest form tutor around (and an excellent poet) – hugely glad that you are doing this slot at d’Verse – secondly, you are presenting a form that is accessible and has plenty of merits (whatever we may say about Western representations of ‘haiku’) — those taking part are gaining a lot and enjoying themselves, too. I merely wanted to present my perspective to you, and hear yours, as there are few who have studied form like you that I can converse with… perhaps I should have privately messaged you, but once you’ve posted a comment you can’t delete it! I figured you’d see it but at this stage probably no one else. I apologise if this seemed insensitive in any way. I recommend reading the article I linked in my comment – it isn;t really about someone ranting about hating haiku, but explores much of the kind of thing we are discussing, i.e. Western interpretation/use/misuse of Japanese haiku (and how/why). There’s just so much of it now, I wonder if it would be worth building on this week’s lesson and having a session where participants write haiku as closely to genuine as possible? Eschewing the syllable-count altogether, using the cut device, no western devices, no caps or punctuation (bar the colon or hyphen that amplifies the cut at the end of line two), that kind of thing? Nature-based, seasonal ref., possibly, but I don’t think that’s the most important thing. Probably nice to do that, though. Some may write them in one line, or two. Basho’s famous haiku
Furu ike ya
kawazu tobikomu
mizu no oto
(frog jumps into pond, etc)
has innumerable translations, almost all of which are not 5-7-5 (because the translator is trying to retain the feel of the original, and syllable-count is immaterial).
V interesting discussion. I just feel a little sad generally that millions are writing what they think are ‘haiku’ and with a little more craft/understanding of the art, they really could be. Instead, yes, Twitter is a nightmare, to be blunt.
But you always present fine exercises and this is no exception. I was surprised at Kelly’s changing the syllable count as being a remedy for retaining key haiku character/aesthetics. His development is, though, a very good exercise in word-economy, and that is always appreciated. Thanks Sam.
Luke, you are a gentleman and a poet… as you say, there aren’t a lot of people I can have a full discussion on formalism with, so I appreciate it!
True classical haiku as a form to aspire to in an FFA article? Intriguing!
Not true classical haiku – to my mind that would only be possible written in Japanese, given the difference in a) sensibility manifest in the written language/vocabulary, and b) English syllables vs. Japanese morae. But certainly, to get that ‘haiku feel’ (which necessitates the cut/juxtaposition of two stark vignettes, and probably you’d want the nature-base and seasonal reference also). I read a very good haiku by a Western poet who had been taught by a Japanese haiku master, and it was about chocolate – but it wholly retained the haiku vibe. The indispensable elements were there.
Thanks Sam, you are appreciated
Luke
Wonderful prompt, Sam. Because of it I reworked a group of old haiku of mine, and I like them better in the Kelly form. Many thanks and Happy New Year.
Lydia, loved your interpretation and variation of the lune, thanks so much for joining me here!
Thank you all, folks, I enjoyed reading all the different permutations of lunes, including the new variations that some created! Creativity abounds!
The link gadget’s just expired, which marks the official close of this challenge, but if you still feel like sharing, please feel free to post a link in the comments.
Thanks again for joining, and have a great night… Looking forward to catching you again in the next round!
Structured poetry is a challenge for me, but it turned out okay in the end 🙂
I’m glad! Today we conquer the Collom lune, tomorrow the world! (or at least the Rubaiyat quatrain)
Fifty-six poets, two hundred and eighty-five verses… hurray!
Nice feature. Enjoyed much, Sam.