Hello, everyone, Marina Sofia here back behind the bar tonight and so pleased to see all your friendly faces after the holidays! I thought we’d try to keep the summer mood going for just a little longer and attempt something fun and different today.
I’ve always been very passionate about how poetry sounds and always need to read a poem out loud to ‘get’ it. So I’ve been intrigued by the concept of ‘homophonic translations’, i.e. translations that rely on sounds rather than meaning. It’s a humorous and easy way to free up your synapses to make some brand-new associations. Here is a classic example of what a schoolboy understood of a Latin text.
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The result is often humorous, but it can also be serious. It won’t surprise you to hear that I made a funeral dirge out of a sweet little ballad when I attempted this exercise with a Croatian poem. Since this exercise works best when the translation is from a language you don’t understand at all, I’m offering you a poem in Romanian.
Lucian Blaga (1895-1961) was a Romanian philosopher, poet and playwright, particularly active during the period between the two World Wars. After 1948 his lack of support for the Communist regime in Romania led to his works being banned for being too ‘idealistic’, rather than describing ‘socialist realism’.
The beautiful, romantic and very melodious poem featured below is one of my all-time favourites. I don’t expect many of you to understand any of it (Italian and Spanish speakers may pick up the odd word or two) but I would like you to allow yourself to be carried away by the sounds and imagine a translation for it. (Don’t cheat by using Google Translate!) Don’t worry about the diacritical signs – just invent your own personal way of reading those letters.
Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.
De pe stamine de alun,
din plopii albi, se cerne jarul.
Orice-nceput se vrea fecund,
risipei se deda Florarul.
Polenul cade peste noi,
în preajma galbene troiene
alcatuieste-n aur fin.
Pe umeri cade-ne si-n gene.
Ne cade-n gura când vorbim,
si-n ochi, când nu gasim cuvântul.
Si nu stim ce pareri de rau
ne tulbura, piezis, avântul.
Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.
Visând, întrezarim prin doruri –
latente-n pulberi aurii –
paduri ce ar putea sa fie
si niciodatã nu vor fi.
Read the poem out loud and try and see if any of the words sound a bit like English words to you. Do any words look like English or Latin or German or other languages you might know? Allow yourself to be swept away by repetitions, melodious cadences or word associations.
Now, try translating the poem using just the sounds and look of the words. Bring in the images that those words awoke in you. If you can, stick to the original line lengths and stanza shapes. Don’t make the poem longer by ad-libbing or over-explaining. Just go wild with it and see what you can come up with! The end result doesn’t have to be full of puns or even humorous.
And, if you are really good and don’t cheat, I promise you I’ll provide a proper translation of this at the end. Look forward to reading your interpretations!
If you would like to join us, but are not sure how to link up—here’s the drill:
• Write your poem
• Post it on your blog or website
• Click on Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post and enter your name and the direct URL of your post
• Come to the pub and visit other poets’ work. Take time to comment, if you possibly can, we all learn so much from each other.
• Have fun! If you want to tweet about it, please reference @dVersePoets.
claudia said:
ha – that was a bit challenge marina… you should’ve seen me on the plane today…my lips moving soundless, trying to transcribe…smiles
sounds are def. so very important in poetry and it is cool to be stretching our sound muscles in that unexpected way.. smiles
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
I usully read poetry a little aloud.. so I guess I know how people look at you.. I loved your latin entry Claudia.
brian miller said:
hey you….good to see you back….smiles….
I’ve said it before, but learning to hear poetry, was an evolutionary leap for me….
MarinaSofia said:
Glad I managed to get everyone out of their comfort zone… and to scare Claudia’s fellow passengers on the plane! I wasn’t expecting great poetry, just a bit of fun. But some of the poems are very striking indeed! Had to go to bed last night with a migraine, but look forward to reading the rest and commenting this morning.
Glenn Buttkus said:
Marina, thanks, had never heard of “homophonic translations”–& what great fun it was to tackle a Neruda poem in Spanish, & let the phonetics fall where they may; the fact that we then can use linking words to make it a tiny bit more cohesive helped too.
claudia said:
i think yours was great glenn… it made sense and still you kept the sound and beat of the original
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Your poem made perfect sense to me Glenn.. perfect sense.
brian miller said:
g — you rocked this one….
MarinaSofia said:
Yours was a very thoughtful, very clever poem. Really enjoyed it! Your brain must be very flexible indeed!
Susan said:
O! So much concentration I do not have! haha! Here is my vain attempt:
Neon mint candles, tiramisu,
the ace as an attempt to simplify
the ace as a lower and upper
temple, a fear-bent silent temple:
From these we obtain stamina
whether dark or light—they are jewels
rich and fruitful for us all
so we may grow and blossom.
(I’ll be back to read others, as usual. Great challenge and change of pace, Marina.)
claudia said:
did someone say tiramisu…? smiles
it was a bit challenge for me as well susan but def. a fun one…smiles
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Wonderful.. I’m hungry already.. I look forward to the full poem..
Susan said:
Sorry, Bjorn. I’ve already had my dessert. I cannot go back for the meal. I enjoyed your piece.
Susan said:
Yes. After I found that tiramisu, I enjoyed seeing what accompanied it.
brian miller said:
nice sensory in the first bit…I think the candle fumes are getting to me…pass me more tirmasu…that might help….smiles…..
Susan said:
OK, let’s blow out those candles and add some wine to the picture….
MarinaSofia said:
I love me a good tiramisu as well – and there’s a very Dadaist feel to the rest of your poem. Valiant attempt, Susan, thank you for joining in!
Susan said:
Yikes, DaDa! And a little sermony, too, I fear. Interesting how we all sound like ourselves in these translations. Thanks for prompting and reading.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
I enjoyed this a lot.. and as you might have seen — it turned into flarf.. but you could potentially pick up a few sentences among them.. I offer here a Swedish poem, that is one of my all time favorites.. by Author Pär Lagerqvist..
Ångest, Ångest är min Arvedel
Ångest, ångest är min arvedel,
min strupes sår,
mitt hjärtas skri i världen.
Nu styvnar löddrig sky
i nattens grova hand,
nu stiga skogarna
och stela höjder
så kargt mot himmelens
förkrympta valv.
Hur hårt är allt,
hur stelnat, svart och stilla!
Jag famlar kring i detta dunkla rum,
jag känner klippans vassa kant mot mina fingrar,
jag river mina uppåtsträckta händer
till blods mot molnens frusna trasor.
Ack, mina naglar sliter jag från fingrarna,
mina händer river jag såriga, ömma
mot berg och mörknad skog,
mot himlens svarta järn
och mot den kalla jorden!
Ångest, ångest är min arvedel,
min strupes sår,
mitt hjärtas skri i världen.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
And if anyone want to create a homphonic poem out of that– that would be interesting.
brian miller said:
is that a challenge?
smiles.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
If you want it 🙂
brian miller said:
alright….I will at least leave it in the comments before the end of the night…
gauntlet accepted….smiles
Susan said:
I am looking forward to this one.
claudia said:
that would be very interesting for sure… so here’s to the brave and unswerving…!
smiles
MarinaSofia said:
I might take you up on that challenge. It’s awful if you speak a bit of English and German, because then you think you understand a bit of Swedish… and end up misinterpreting things dreadfully.
MarinaSofia said:
Angry, angry are my people/ stroppy they stand/ with blood sky and worlds.
Now the stagnant, leaden sky/ is natty in our grubby hands…
I could go on, but I spare you…
Susan said:
haha!! Are you ever going to tell us what the Russian translation of your challenge is?
brian miller said:
marina,
I must say, you came up with one of the more bizarre, yet fun prompts….ha….I went with a german piece and well, I guess you will see what I came up with…lol….
MarinaSofia said:
Who says I can only do grave and gloomy, right? It’s all about freeing up the mind of its usual preferred ways of expression… jumping out of the groove, if you like!
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
And while I’m at it.. there will be an Open Link occasion this saturday.. come with all your nice poem and join us… Wonder who will tend the bar? — Smiles —
brian miller said:
Ångest, ångest är min arvedel,
(angst, angst, our men are vandal)
min strupes sår,
(minstrels are)
mitt hjärtas skri i världen.
(mighty heart askers, I whirled in)
Nu styvnar löddrig sky
(new sky & snarking sky)
i nattens grova hand,
(In Atlas’ groven hand)
nu stiga skogarna
(new stick sky garnished)
och stela höjder
(oxen taill holder)
så kargt mot himmelens
(it’s car got most high mileage)
förkrympta valv.
(for a crimped valve)
Hur hårt är allt,
(hurt heart alit)
hur stelnat, svart och stilla!
her stale nut, smart ass Stella)
ok, less than 5 minute take on the first stanza. I will see if I can clean it up.
actually when I did my first one I went through and just popcorned words like this…and then re-read them in English to pick out the sounds a little easier because it was easier then for me to hear associations….without the pressure of translating.
claudia said:
very cool… it took me a whole flight to do the homophonic translation for my few latin verses – ha – i had to stay up all night for a poem of this length…
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Ah.. the angst is right in place.. but I love that snarking sky…
billgncs said:
I looked at a French poem, and no matter how it worked it sounded like a love poem !
claudia said:
smiles… i think french always sounds like a love poem – even if they shout at each other… it’s just such a musical language..
billgncs said:
so often ( as I just learned in France ) words that sound similar to English may not mean what we thought.
claudia said:
true… sometimes i take an english word and pronounce it french… sometimes it works but sometimes…. ugh…
billgncs said:
when my daughter was in France, she asked my sister “What’s the French word for croissant?”
My sister replied, you’re kidding, right….
brian miller said:
it is “fancy roll” right?
smiles
billgncs said:
you mean butter ? 🙂
brian miller said:
oh def, with butter…lol
MarinaSofia said:
Probably true – French and Italian just sound too melodious to be anything else but love poems!
claudia said:
ok —
ich gehe jetzt ins bett
denn ich bin müde von der reise–
maybe someone can homophonically translate this…
smiles
see you tomorrow morning…
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
But I understand it…
… much harder to ignore the meaning.
Ike get jets in bets
Then Ike been made van-dresser
Hmm..
Nu skall jag gå och lägga migh också
Gabriella said:
Good night to both of you!
brian miller said:
for claudia:
aching gets in, beats
then its been — mute under eyes
for bjorn:
numb skull, jag a Chilean mytocks!
Grace said:
Brian, that’s so well done ~
MarinaSofia said:
Brilliant, Brian – you are a natural at this!
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Ha… 🙂
Susan said:
Ignoring my semi-German speak:
EEK! Jay jets inches
that –EEK! bind me to wonder rising!
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Ick! Gay jets in his bed
(den). Ick! Been moody. Phone, dear — rise!
Fly Indie said:
I know the language….! If I try homophonically it’ll be naughty..
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Naughty is good.
brian miller said:
hahaha
MarinaSofia said:
Which of the languages on offer here today? Anyway, it doesn’t matter, you can attempt another poem in an even more obscure language which you don’t understand.
Grace said:
Thanks Marina for another interesting challenge ~ Something new for me to play around with ~ I must admit that on the first try, the verses were jumbled with no meaning for me so had to edit it for meaning ~ Happy Tuesday all ~
MarinaSofia said:
Sometimes the meaning comes out of the non-meaning – the subconscious does some of the work for us, doesn’t it?
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Oh, lovely! This is one of my favourite things to do, but it’s been a long time. (I know this device by the term “translitics” – as distinct from “translations”.) Will see what I can come up with, both for your offering and Bjorn’s. (My translitics have always been quite serious – but I love and adore the Caesar verse!)
brian miller said:
ah, you have experience with it…not fair…smiles…
i look forward to yours rosemary
MarinaSofia said:
Oh, good, look forward to it – make it as serious as you like! It’s just intended to inspire and free up the brain cells.
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Well that was a rash promise. Exceptionally busy at present and haven’t found the time. Bedtime now (late bedtime!). Maybe in the morning. 😦
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Well, I managed something, and also have posted one I did in 2005 — or rather, the poem it eventually became.
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Didn’t manage Bjorn’s, sorry – time constraints.
mood wings said:
I am SUPER excited to do this one.
MarinaSofia said:
Oh, good, hope you enjoy it and improvise away…
brian miller said:
woot….yours was excellent S
Raivenne said:
I like the challenge, Marina. Definitely different and only slightly less crazy than creating your own language for a novel * smiles*
MarinaSofia said:
Thank you, I can see I’m building myself a reputation for craziness here… but it’s all about shaking up the brain cells and forging some new paths for thinking.
Glenn Buttkus said:
For Bjorn; first stanza:
Anger, anger–as our men arrived,
tall as their stripes, clinging
to chest-strapped machine guns.
No blood clouds in the war sky,
I reached out my hand,
without stigma or scythes–
& old Stellen locked fists
as our twin gods wrestled
& forked tongues wagged.
Our hearts soared higher
as our souls sang with brotherhood.
brian miller said:
nice g —
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Wonderful – really a whole new poem
Imelda said:
Oh my goodness! What a challenge. 🙂
MarinaSofia said:
Hope you’ll take part, Imelda. You can choose another poem, of course, as long as it’s in a language you are not familiar with.
http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com said:
I tried last night when the exercise was posted. No luck. I copied the poem into Word, and couldn’t do it for practical reasons: White on black sends my eyes dulally, and when I tried to get rid of the black background I sent the computer dulally! So I’ve linked a similar exercise that I did a long time ago.
MarinaSofia said:
Don’t worry, Viv. I didn’t mean to be prescriptive – and we’ve had several who’ve translated their own choice of poetry from a variety of languages. I just thought it was probably a safe bet to choose Romanian as a language unknown to nearly everyone…
Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) said:
Viv, I find copying into Text Edit allows me to correct such things.
MarinaSofia said:
That sense of fun shows through in your poem!
drpkp said:
Hi everyone – first attempt here – although I know some of the regulars, this is a relatively new place to hang for me – made an attempt last night on Marina’s challenge – Lovely to be here and will pop in again. Thanks to all who commented and I hope to get to others today …
MarinaSofia said:
Well done for taking part – a bit of a challenge for a first attempt, so I apologise for making your life difficult. We’re not always as bad as that, so hope to see you here again.
drpkp said:
Awww no apologies …. enjoyed the challenge … something a bit different for this mind that likes to allow the shimmers of sparkles of fragmented ideas to glitter and then fall together with a sudden burst of cohesiveness – this was an opportunity to think in a diametrically opposed manner. Will definitely be back again 🙂 Thank you !
MarinaSofia said:
Well, I did post a literal translation of the poem, but I’ll be perfectly honest with you: a few of your poems were even better! And so many captured that yearning, romantic feel of the poem. Thank you all for taking part in this rather tricky challenge!
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