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Jane Hewey, Overuse of Adjectives and Adverbs, Passive and Active Voice, poetry prompt, Use of Verbs, Victoria C. Slotto
When I first ventured into the world of creative writing, one of my “mortal sins” involved an abundant use of passive voice and boring verbs, hyperbolic adjectives and taxing adverbs. Although I haven’t yet “arrived,” through participation in critique groups and reading about the art of writing, an important insight occurred to me: active verbs give life to prose and poetry. My earlier attempts to create character and description often fell flat.
Adverbs and adjectives are part of our language for a reason—to add color, texture and other artistic elements to our verbal armory, but discriminating use of these words peppered with verbs that rock do make a difference. While there is a role for telling and judicious use of passive voice, success lies in knowing how to balance our use of writing weapons.
Here are a couple of examples/definitions of what I’m trying to say:
Passive voice—when something is done to the object:
The child was bitten by a bee.
Active voice, the subject is the doer:
The bee bit the child.
And overuse of adjectives and adverbs:
The hefty pass-kicker adroitly kicked the ball between the goal post in spite of the blustery wind.
I’d like to share a poem posted by fellow poet, Jane Hewey on her blog:
Scar Hopping
Copyright: Jane Hewey
Glacial divides bypass
the dusty canyons thrusting
their will. Moons crawl
through midnights; I want
to touch your singular hurt,
wrap it with my hands
and light-soaked cloths.
I would warm it through
your thick white skin, force myself
into its cold-singe. I want
to evoke you out of the scar
like arctic char augured
from an eight inch ice hole.
http://janehewey.wordpress.com/View all posts by janehewey
Give some attention to the singular verbs and verb derivatives (such as gerunds) that Jane chose. She does use descriptors, but verbs add so much to the flow and strength of this poem.
For this week’s MTB prompt, please join us and write a poem incorporating a rich use of verbs. You may want to select one of your older poems that has never satisfied you and try to spice it us a bit. Maybe it’s heavy on adverbs and adjectives, even bordering on “purple prose.” Or you could grab a dictionary and discover a verb or two that’s new to you or one you’ve never used.
Here’s how to join in:
• Write your poem and post it on your blog or website;
• Copy and paste the direct URL to your poem on Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post, adding your name or identifier as he prompts you;
• Spend some time visiting the work of your fellow poets and leaving comments on their blogs—above all, return the favor to those who have made the effort to comment on your work
• Let the world know about dVerse by linking this post to your blog and social networks—invite a friend to join us as well;
• Above all, have fun; enjoy the creative moments.
For dVerse, I’m Victoria, thanking you for joining us this evening and happy to be your hostess tonight. I’ll make my way to your “table” sooner or later. Usually a bit later since I’m on the far end of the time zones!
And special thanks to Jane for allowing me to share her copyrighted poem. Do stop by her blog if you haven’t “met” her.
Good evening .. or so.. I sit here and wondering if I did it right… hmm at least there are verbs.. that’s for sure.. and Jane’s poem is beautiful..
haha… i think you did good..
I’m sure it’s perfect, Bjorn.
Hi Victoria. I really like your article on the importance of using strong verbs & cutting back on adjectives and adverbs. I played around a bit with the verbs I chose for my poem. Actually thesaurus.com is very good for that! Smiles. Thanks for hosting today.
oh cool… thanks for the tip victoria…
Thanks, Mary and thanks for the tip.
This was very interesting Victoria, very. Thank you.
hey liz… good to see you…smiles
Thanks, Liz
it def. pays to pay attention to the verbs…thanks for sharpening our senses victoria and jane’s poem is a perfect example… looking forward to read what everyone’s coming up with
Claudia, thanks for opening the pub for me and pouring the first round!
What a lovely challenge, Victoria; hadn’t really thought specifically about the verbs I used before; enjoyed the prompt; but have to rush off now to a doctor’s appt., then off to visit my brother at Heart Rehab; will visit others tonight.
doctor visit… hopefully nothing serious… and best wishes to your brother as well…
Hope all is well with you and the bro, Glenn. And thanks for the tweets, too.
passive voice weakens everything, resumes, poetry, stories. That’s one of the reasons I like haiku, every word matters.
true that…
Really good point!
Hi Victoria,
You’ve shared one of the important things I remind my creative writing group of every so often. In his book On Writing Stephen King goes so far as to say that adverbs are evil. I tell my group that if they need to describe a verb with an adverb, most often it’s because they’ve used the wrong verb. Saying ‘He walked slowly,’ is boring; saying ‘he slouched’ or ‘he shuffled’ is both more interesting and more informative.
If you write in 100 words or with other restrictions you also save words by doing that… great examples..
i see– i have to extend my english vocabulary…
Your English is very good, Claudia. I wouldn’t want to have to write poetry in German … I doubt that I could, to be honest … smiles
I love On Writing….another great one is Bird by Bird by Lamott….
I love Lamont’s too. Would add a similar one: Word-by-Word by Heather Sellers…full of exercises as well.
Hi Tony, I just I had asked you a question a little further down about present tense, past tense, etc.I am still interested in the answer if you have time.
Tony, I agree with your comment here. Thank you! I am wondering: For your writing group, do you advise using primarily the present tense or the past tense? I sometimes find the use of other tenses (such as present or past continuous) too wordy.
present tense all the way for me…its more engaging and allows the reader to be a part of the moment as opposed to just reading an account of it…
I generally prefer the present tense too, Brian. I agree it is more engaging.
Tony – it’s a very interesting thought that you made me think over.
Ha! Stephen King’s book haunts my writing (including this article)…though I don’t completely (!) agree with him on adverbs, he certainly (!) makes me think twice! Thanks, Tony.
Thank you for the interesting article Victoria ~ Must keep this in mind and Jane’s work is a fine example ~ I will be by to return visits ~ Happy Thursday everyone ~
As many have mentioned–Jane is a splendid poet who makes every word count. When I read this I got the idea for this article. Don’t be surprised if I go to her again in the near future.
Interesting article, Victoria! It made me ponder on my own use of language and the various kinds of words I use. Thank you for the challenging prompt!
So glad to “see” you, Gabriella.
I found this very interesting – have to try hard to get there, but as you have given a clue, rework on an old poem that you have never been completely satisfied with – that might the key 🙂 – but all the more interesting to read what others are writing on the theme.
Smiles. I have a binder/file full of those kind of poems. Hope to try to redeem a few with verbs, too.
What a great challenge, Victoria. I really enjoyed Jane’s poem…what a wonderful example example. I’m going to have to work on this one – let it marinate for awhile. I hope to post one later on today or tomorrow. Thank you again for hosting today’s MTB this week 🙂
marinate is a good verb as well..smiles
Hah…hadn’t thought about that 🙂
and you used it well in yours….
Claudia gave me the idea!! Thank you Claudia! It helped me write the poem 🙂
Smiles. I have a binder/file full of those kind of poems. Hope to try to redeem a few with verbs, too.
I am sure they will all be redeemed and more!
Totally cool challenge you’ve given us. Verbs. Something I’m going to have to work on! Thanks for getting the old gears grinding away again. 🙂
grinding is a good one too…smiles…
🙂
Have fun with it, Shanyn…sow, plough, reap, whatever! :0)
fun stuff v…and several ways to approach this…but you are right in that word choice is a big step in development and engagement of the reader….
let me get the kiddos on the bus and i will play catch up….smiles.
Keep them safe…someone shot at a school bus today. What’s going on? I think the publicity is starting a wildfire.
I agree with you about the importance of vivid verbs. And yet I couldn’t resist writing this silly limerick. So I beg for forgiveness, in advance:
One never should write. One should scribe.
One must NOT coincide. Instead, jibe.
Are verbs that have color
Much better than duller?
I’m bewildered — must drink … or imbibe.
smiles… i like…and you make a good point as well… i think the reader feels probably more comfortable with average words… i know that if there are in a poem too many words i don’t know or that i wouldn’t use in the everyday, it puts me off a bit…
Thanks Claudia!
Ah, perfect Mad. So glad you indulged. Have that libation on us!
Thanks Victoria for your kind words and insightful column!
Hello Vick thank you for hosting, great challenge and I’ll try and muster up something in this heat! Enjoyed janes poem thank you and for your interesting write ~ happy writing everyone!
Enjoy the heat, Jenny…it’s nice here, too, to the envy of many of our fellow poets.
Thank you, I was but 4 days of over 40 C is wearing a little thin ~ smiles
Yikes!
*nods* yes that would cover it
Thank you Victoria for the great prompt..I feel I overdid it with my poem perhaps to the extreme; I know you are right to not let them take over the poem as well.
ha. a little extreme…but a fun one…hey you inspired me….
Victoria, I cannot create today and I don’t know why, but I tried a strong verb exercise:
Jack and Jill climbed up the cliff,
their pail brimming with water.
Jack repelled but slipped and smashed.
Jill shrieked and plunged right after.
Sadness claimed the village green
where children collapsed and wailed
except for one happy child
who caressed his dented pail.
He scorned Jack and despised Jill
for snatching what they required.
While friends piled up their flesh and bones,
he their names reviled.
wow. what a twist on a familiar rhyme…
the last stanza in particular snaps it into a rather tight focus…
Overdoing it? Reminds me of practicing arpeggios on the piano for hours when you’re trying to learn to play.
This is perfect, Wished I’d thought of that to add to the prompt (reworking a nursery rhyme or whatever. That response above was meant for Katy’s comment. My relationship with the Internet tends to be a bit testy.
Wow! Your responses make me think I should play a bit more often. Thank you.
Delighted to discover such a lovely poetic community. Thanks for the inspiration. 🙂
I think I may have transgressed the guidelines by linking to an existing poem. I’ll get the hang of it eventually. Grace in the meantime? 🙂
grace.
smiles.
enjoy visiting some other poets.
Hope you do, Susan.
Lisa, I confess to doing the same…sometimes it’s my only option.
At last…I’m here and looking forward to reading some wonderful poetry and, for my own selfish reasons, compiling a list of “delicious” verbs for future reference. Hope you’re enjoying the friendship and poetry. Thank you for stopping by!
heya.
smiles.
heya back!
Thank you for this opportunity to vent my feelings Victoria – venting is always healthy! Don’t know what I’d do without dVerse!
Anna :o]
I hear you, Anna. What would we do without poetry, especially dVerse?
Perish the thought! I cannot imagine the horror! Or the void.
Whew. Easier said than done! Thank you. If I don’t get to everyone’s link tonight, I will do my best to read and comment by Friday night.
Enjoyed yours, Margaret…and the photos
http://poeticlicensee.wordpress.com/2014/01/16/cannonball-by-lindell-vecchio/
Noun transforms itself as verb…
Enjoyed it, Lindy Lee–made a splash!
I’m not sure if I used more adjectives than verbs. Seems like they went hand in hand with my attempt. Thanks for a fun prompt, Victoria!
I’m a bit of an adjective-addict myself.
Shutting down for the night–a demain!
à demain Madame… sleep well..
good morning c…smile.s
Passive voice is certainly to be avoided.
as are passive poets….
haha…true that…
I’d like to apologize for passively double-linking Mr. Linky. So I will.
Just glad you’re here, Gary.
Thank you for the prompt, not sure if i got this right, but it was certainly challenging and entertaining.
I’m sure if you had verbs in mine, it will be fine. Off to read in a few.
Reblogged this on Bastet and Sekhmet's Library and commented:
This I find stimulating and interesting…have a look!
A poet taught me
to shrink my poems.
So I did.
Pruned adjectives and adverbs,
moderated pronouns, conjunctions , prepositions;
concentrated on active verbs.
****
I’ve found loads of verbally active poems in my archives, and spent so much time reading them that I’ve none left to write a new one!
haha… smiles… but i bet it was fun to read through the old poems.. smiles… will be over at your place in a bit
So glad you’re here today, Viv.
Cool prompt and lots of fun—thanks!
Thanks so much for joining in.
🙂
Good prompt Victoria. Here’s my lesson in the best possible use for verbs/adverbs. 😉
http://bit.ly/1gU7KLe
Thank you, James. Your writing is always compelling.
finished work early and catching up now… (two verbs in one line…ha) smiles
oh that must be nice…
And I’m just settling in!
tried my hands Victoria! thank you for the informative write up – some views here to be taken and practiced! have posted mine a narrative but i think i could do better….far behind on the trail but will catch up soon!
I’m lagging behind to–the thing is, to arrive.
Good morning, all. Have to go out for an hour or two–I’ll be back. That’s what happens when you only have a “dumb phone.” No mobility.
I will be back in the morning to visit and comment. I think I’m going with husband to see “Lone Survivor” movie.
Have a nice movie date.
Hi, fellow blogger told me about this place…i dont know if im a poet but i try to scribble sometimes…
http://littlemissobsessivesanatomy.wordpress.com/2014/01/18/ghost-of-past/
Welcome in!
Thank you for the advice about using more active verbs. I have similar issue that you have using too much passive voice instead of active voice. I am glad for this article because it gave some encouragement in improving my creative writing.
Glad it’s helpful. Welcome, Denise.