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Jane Hewey, Overuse of Adjectives and Adverbs, Passive and Active Voice, poetry prompt, Use of Verbs, Victoria C. Slotto
When I first ventured into the world of creative writing, one of my “mortal sins” involved an abundant use of passive voice and boring verbs, hyperbolic adjectives and taxing adverbs. Although I haven’t yet “arrived,” through participation in critique groups and reading about the art of writing, an important insight occurred to me: active verbs give life to prose and poetry. My earlier attempts to create character and description often fell flat.
Adverbs and adjectives are part of our language for a reason—to add color, texture and other artistic elements to our verbal armory, but discriminating use of these words peppered with verbs that rock do make a difference. While there is a role for telling and judicious use of passive voice, success lies in knowing how to balance our use of writing weapons.
Here are a couple of examples/definitions of what I’m trying to say:
Passive voice—when something is done to the object:
The child was bitten by a bee.
Active voice, the subject is the doer:
The bee bit the child.
And overuse of adjectives and adverbs:
The hefty pass-kicker adroitly kicked the ball between the goal post in spite of the blustery wind.
I’d like to share a poem posted by fellow poet, Jane Hewey on her blog:
Scar Hopping
Copyright: Jane Hewey
Glacial divides bypass
the dusty canyons thrusting
their will. Moons crawl
through midnights; I want
to touch your singular hurt,
wrap it with my hands
and light-soaked cloths.
I would warm it through
your thick white skin, force myself
into its cold-singe. I want
to evoke you out of the scar
like arctic char augured
from an eight inch ice hole.
http://janehewey.wordpress.com/View all posts by janehewey
Give some attention to the singular verbs and verb derivatives (such as gerunds) that Jane chose. She does use descriptors, but verbs add so much to the flow and strength of this poem.
For this week’s MTB prompt, please join us and write a poem incorporating a rich use of verbs. You may want to select one of your older poems that has never satisfied you and try to spice it us a bit. Maybe it’s heavy on adverbs and adjectives, even bordering on “purple prose.” Or you could grab a dictionary and discover a verb or two that’s new to you or one you’ve never used.
Here’s how to join in:
• Write your poem and post it on your blog or website;
• Copy and paste the direct URL to your poem on Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post, adding your name or identifier as he prompts you;
• Spend some time visiting the work of your fellow poets and leaving comments on their blogs—above all, return the favor to those who have made the effort to comment on your work
• Let the world know about dVerse by linking this post to your blog and social networks—invite a friend to join us as well;
• Above all, have fun; enjoy the creative moments.
For dVerse, I’m Victoria, thanking you for joining us this evening and happy to be your hostess tonight. I’ll make my way to your “table” sooner or later. Usually a bit later since I’m on the far end of the time zones!
And special thanks to Jane for allowing me to share her copyrighted poem. Do stop by her blog if you haven’t “met” her.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
Good evening .. or so.. I sit here and wondering if I did it right… hmm at least there are verbs.. that’s for sure.. and Jane’s poem is beautiful..
claudia said:
haha… i think you did good..
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I’m sure it’s perfect, Bjorn.
Mary said:
Hi Victoria. I really like your article on the importance of using strong verbs & cutting back on adjectives and adverbs. I played around a bit with the verbs I chose for my poem. Actually thesaurus.com is very good for that! Smiles. Thanks for hosting today.
claudia said:
oh cool… thanks for the tip victoria…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Thanks, Mary and thanks for the tip.
Raven Spirit said:
This was very interesting Victoria, very. Thank you.
claudia said:
hey liz… good to see you…smiles
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Thanks, Liz
claudia said:
it def. pays to pay attention to the verbs…thanks for sharpening our senses victoria and jane’s poem is a perfect example… looking forward to read what everyone’s coming up with
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Claudia, thanks for opening the pub for me and pouring the first round!
Glenn Buttkus said:
What a lovely challenge, Victoria; hadn’t really thought specifically about the verbs I used before; enjoyed the prompt; but have to rush off now to a doctor’s appt., then off to visit my brother at Heart Rehab; will visit others tonight.
claudia said:
doctor visit… hopefully nothing serious… and best wishes to your brother as well…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Hope all is well with you and the bro, Glenn. And thanks for the tweets, too.
billgncs said:
passive voice weakens everything, resumes, poetry, stories. That’s one of the reasons I like haiku, every word matters.
claudia said:
true that…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Really good point!
Tony Maude said:
Hi Victoria,
You’ve shared one of the important things I remind my creative writing group of every so often. In his book On Writing Stephen King goes so far as to say that adverbs are evil. I tell my group that if they need to describe a verb with an adverb, most often it’s because they’ve used the wrong verb. Saying ‘He walked slowly,’ is boring; saying ‘he slouched’ or ‘he shuffled’ is both more interesting and more informative.
Björn Rudberg (brudberg) said:
If you write in 100 words or with other restrictions you also save words by doing that… great examples..
claudia said:
i see– i have to extend my english vocabulary…
Tony Maude said:
Your English is very good, Claudia. I wouldn’t want to have to write poetry in German … I doubt that I could, to be honest … smiles
brian miller said:
I love On Writing….another great one is Bird by Bird by Lamott….
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I love Lamont’s too. Would add a similar one: Word-by-Word by Heather Sellers…full of exercises as well.
Mary said:
Hi Tony, I just I had asked you a question a little further down about present tense, past tense, etc.I am still interested in the answer if you have time.
Mary said:
Tony, I agree with your comment here. Thank you! I am wondering: For your writing group, do you advise using primarily the present tense or the past tense? I sometimes find the use of other tenses (such as present or past continuous) too wordy.
brian miller said:
present tense all the way for me…its more engaging and allows the reader to be a part of the moment as opposed to just reading an account of it…
Mary said:
I generally prefer the present tense too, Brian. I agree it is more engaging.
Abhra Pal said:
Tony – it’s a very interesting thought that you made me think over.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Ha! Stephen King’s book haunts my writing (including this article)…though I don’t completely (!) agree with him on adverbs, he certainly (!) makes me think twice! Thanks, Tony.
Grace said:
Thank you for the interesting article Victoria ~ Must keep this in mind and Jane’s work is a fine example ~ I will be by to return visits ~ Happy Thursday everyone ~
Victoria C. Slotto said:
As many have mentioned–Jane is a splendid poet who makes every word count. When I read this I got the idea for this article. Don’t be surprised if I go to her again in the near future.
Gabriella said:
Interesting article, Victoria! It made me ponder on my own use of language and the various kinds of words I use. Thank you for the challenging prompt!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
So glad to “see” you, Gabriella.
Abhra Pal said:
I found this very interesting – have to try hard to get there, but as you have given a clue, rework on an old poem that you have never been completely satisfied with – that might the key 🙂 – but all the more interesting to read what others are writing on the theme.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Smiles. I have a binder/file full of those kind of poems. Hope to try to redeem a few with verbs, too.
coalkissed said:
What a great challenge, Victoria. I really enjoyed Jane’s poem…what a wonderful example example. I’m going to have to work on this one – let it marinate for awhile. I hope to post one later on today or tomorrow. Thank you again for hosting today’s MTB this week 🙂
claudia said:
marinate is a good verb as well..smiles
coalkissed said:
Hah…hadn’t thought about that 🙂
brian miller said:
and you used it well in yours….
coalkissed said:
Claudia gave me the idea!! Thank you Claudia! It helped me write the poem 🙂
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Smiles. I have a binder/file full of those kind of poems. Hope to try to redeem a few with verbs, too.
coalkissed said:
I am sure they will all be redeemed and more!
shanyns said:
Totally cool challenge you’ve given us. Verbs. Something I’m going to have to work on! Thanks for getting the old gears grinding away again. 🙂
brian miller said:
grinding is a good one too…smiles…
shanyns said:
🙂
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Have fun with it, Shanyn…sow, plough, reap, whatever! :0)
brian miller said:
fun stuff v…and several ways to approach this…but you are right in that word choice is a big step in development and engagement of the reader….
let me get the kiddos on the bus and i will play catch up….smiles.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Keep them safe…someone shot at a school bus today. What’s going on? I think the publicity is starting a wildfire.
Madeleine Begun Kane said:
I agree with you about the importance of vivid verbs. And yet I couldn’t resist writing this silly limerick. So I beg for forgiveness, in advance:
One never should write. One should scribe.
One must NOT coincide. Instead, jibe.
Are verbs that have color
Much better than duller?
I’m bewildered — must drink … or imbibe.
claudia said:
smiles… i like…and you make a good point as well… i think the reader feels probably more comfortable with average words… i know that if there are in a poem too many words i don’t know or that i wouldn’t use in the everyday, it puts me off a bit…
Madeleine Begun Kane said:
Thanks Claudia!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Ah, perfect Mad. So glad you indulged. Have that libation on us!
Madeleine Begun Kane said:
Thanks Victoria for your kind words and insightful column!
ramblingsfromamum said:
Hello Vick thank you for hosting, great challenge and I’ll try and muster up something in this heat! Enjoyed janes poem thank you and for your interesting write ~ happy writing everyone!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Enjoy the heat, Jenny…it’s nice here, too, to the envy of many of our fellow poets.
ramblingsfromamum said:
Thank you, I was but 4 days of over 40 C is wearing a little thin ~ smiles
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Yikes!
ramblingsfromamum said:
*nods* yes that would cover it
kkkkaty1 said:
Thank you Victoria for the great prompt..I feel I overdid it with my poem perhaps to the extreme; I know you are right to not let them take over the poem as well.
brian miller said:
ha. a little extreme…but a fun one…hey you inspired me….
Susan said:
Victoria, I cannot create today and I don’t know why, but I tried a strong verb exercise:
Jack and Jill climbed up the cliff,
their pail brimming with water.
Jack repelled but slipped and smashed.
Jill shrieked and plunged right after.
Sadness claimed the village green
where children collapsed and wailed
except for one happy child
who caressed his dented pail.
He scorned Jack and despised Jill
for snatching what they required.
While friends piled up their flesh and bones,
he their names reviled.
brian miller said:
wow. what a twist on a familiar rhyme…
the last stanza in particular snaps it into a rather tight focus…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Overdoing it? Reminds me of practicing arpeggios on the piano for hours when you’re trying to learn to play.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
This is perfect, Wished I’d thought of that to add to the prompt (reworking a nursery rhyme or whatever. That response above was meant for Katy’s comment. My relationship with the Internet tends to be a bit testy.
Susan said:
Wow! Your responses make me think I should play a bit more often. Thank you.
Lisa Luke Easterling said:
Delighted to discover such a lovely poetic community. Thanks for the inspiration. 🙂
Lisa Luke Easterling said:
I think I may have transgressed the guidelines by linking to an existing poem. I’ll get the hang of it eventually. Grace in the meantime? 🙂
brian miller said:
grace.
smiles.
enjoy visiting some other poets.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Hope you do, Susan.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Lisa, I confess to doing the same…sometimes it’s my only option.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
At last…I’m here and looking forward to reading some wonderful poetry and, for my own selfish reasons, compiling a list of “delicious” verbs for future reference. Hope you’re enjoying the friendship and poetry. Thank you for stopping by!
brian miller said:
heya.
smiles.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
heya back!
hypercryptical said:
Thank you for this opportunity to vent my feelings Victoria – venting is always healthy! Don’t know what I’d do without dVerse!
Anna :o]
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I hear you, Anna. What would we do without poetry, especially dVerse?
shanyns said:
Perish the thought! I cannot imagine the horror! Or the void.
margaret said:
Whew. Easier said than done! Thank you. If I don’t get to everyone’s link tonight, I will do my best to read and comment by Friday night.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Enjoyed yours, Margaret…and the photos
Lindy Lee said:
http://poeticlicensee.wordpress.com/2014/01/16/cannonball-by-lindell-vecchio/
Noun transforms itself as verb…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Enjoyed it, Lindy Lee–made a splash!
Bodhirose said:
I’m not sure if I used more adjectives than verbs. Seems like they went hand in hand with my attempt. Thanks for a fun prompt, Victoria!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I’m a bit of an adjective-addict myself.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Shutting down for the night–a demain!
claudia said:
à demain Madame… sleep well..
brian miller said:
good morning c…smile.s
Gary said:
Passive voice is certainly to be avoided.
brian miller said:
as are passive poets….
claudia said:
haha…true that…
Gary said:
I’d like to apologize for passively double-linking Mr. Linky. So I will.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Just glad you’re here, Gary.
alan1704 said:
Thank you for the prompt, not sure if i got this right, but it was certainly challenging and entertaining.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I’m sure if you had verbs in mine, it will be fine. Off to read in a few.
Bastet said:
Reblogged this on Bastet and Sekhmet's Library and commented:
This I find stimulating and interesting…have a look!
http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com said:
A poet taught me
to shrink my poems.
So I did.
Pruned adjectives and adverbs,
moderated pronouns, conjunctions , prepositions;
concentrated on active verbs.
****
I’ve found loads of verbally active poems in my archives, and spent so much time reading them that I’ve none left to write a new one!
claudia said:
haha… smiles… but i bet it was fun to read through the old poems.. smiles… will be over at your place in a bit
Victoria C. Slotto said:
So glad you’re here today, Viv.
Bastet said:
Cool prompt and lots of fun—thanks!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Thanks so much for joining in.
Bastet said:
🙂
James Rainsford said:
Good prompt Victoria. Here’s my lesson in the best possible use for verbs/adverbs. 😉
http://bit.ly/1gU7KLe
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Thank you, James. Your writing is always compelling.
claudia said:
finished work early and catching up now… (two verbs in one line…ha) smiles
brian miller said:
oh that must be nice…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
And I’m just settling in!
Akila said:
tried my hands Victoria! thank you for the informative write up – some views here to be taken and practiced! have posted mine a narrative but i think i could do better….far behind on the trail but will catch up soon!
Victoria C. Slotto said:
I’m lagging behind to–the thing is, to arrive.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Good morning, all. Have to go out for an hour or two–I’ll be back. That’s what happens when you only have a “dumb phone.” No mobility.
margaret said:
I will be back in the morning to visit and comment. I think I’m going with husband to see “Lone Survivor” movie.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Have a nice movie date.
littlemissobsessivesanatomy said:
Hi, fellow blogger told me about this place…i dont know if im a poet but i try to scribble sometimes…
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Welcome in!
Denise Swoveland said:
Thank you for the advice about using more active verbs. I have similar issue that you have using too much passive voice instead of active voice. I am glad for this article because it gave some encouragement in improving my creative writing.
Victoria C. Slotto said:
Glad it’s helpful. Welcome, Denise.