Tags
Breaking Rules, Details, Form, poem, poetics, poetry, Short Verse, storytelling, Style
Welcome to another edition of the D’Verse Saturday staple, Poetics. I was trying to think up a pretty neat exercise for everyone, and in fact thought I had one, until our new pub tender Kelvin, did a remarkable job with a very, very similar idea to what I was going to offer tonight. Many ideas came and went since then. Finally though, I thought it would be fun to work with short verse.
For those that regularly swing by my site, you’ll know full and well, that when it comes to brevity, I’m usually out to lunch. It’s not that I prefer longer forms of poetry to the shorter styles, no, that’s not the case at all. It’s just that I really like to tell stories, granted many of them are ciphered, filled with symbolism and abstractly devised, but nonetheless, I find it, probably like most, much easier to tell a fully embodied story when more words are at my disposal.
Well, a few month’s ago, I thought I needed to try and clean up some of the dialogue in a couple scripts I’d written a while back. These scripts, I feel, are pretty solid in most aspects of the craft, with the exception of the dialogue. And even there, it’s not terrible, yet still, much too longwinded to be viable.
So instead of doing the normal dialogue exercises out there, I thought of trying to utilize short-formed poetry to hopefully maximize efficiency in relating information quickly and colorfully.
I began with some short forms of prose. A simple line or two, filled with plot, characters, settings and action. These came out fine, but the answers I was looking for didn’t appear. Then I moved on to Haiku, where I found that by utilizing the intended “nature” themes, I wasn’t really harnessing anything tangible in the sense as to how I was approaching things. However, when I simply bent the rules, eliminating any sort of requirement as to how to write a Haiku, as far as theme was involved, I found that the 5-7-5, 3-5-3 and Tanka structures, really helped me create complete stories, using very little page space in the process. I saw this; yet felt more could still be done. Here’s where I decided that I would try to not only tell a complete story, but also find a way to fill in as many additional details as possible, all from simply choosing different words. A quick example:
He walked through the door
Emptiness surrounded him
A sad light—on, off
Okay, technically this is a scene. But it’s boring and really doesn’t infer anything. Yet, with a few changes, a similar scene could appear as:
Caution framed entry
Stock din swapped for closet space
Flickering regret
Actually, this fits the Senryu model, showing inner thought in the final line, but it isn’t necessary the way I’ve been working with these shorter forms. The point is, in the second version, we see emotion, we get background information, and reflection. This is the type of nuance I was looking for. This was what I had hoped would translate into tighter, crisper and more powerfully impactful dialogue. I do believe it will, however, I enjoyed working with the Haiku so much that I became distracted and kept on creating Haiku after Haiku, instead of using it solely as an exercise to enhance my script’s dialogue. You know what though, I’m perfectly fine with that.
So, for tonight’s Poetics, work with the short verse, try to maximize effectiveness in any way you can. Try to portray a complete, mutli-dimensional and sated storyline. It doesn’t have to be in Haiku, it’s simply the tract I found myself immersed in. Lune’s are great for this, as is the monostitch, the anecdote and micropoetry(under 140 characters) just to name a few of the possibilities. Or, if you feel really adventurous, a triptych, using only three words, would be quite the feat. But this exercise can be done a whole variety of manners, however you chose to operate, in poetry or in prose, is perfectly acceptable. However, I’d try and keep it fewer than twelve lines, maximizing effectiveness with pieces composed using six or less lines.
There’s one more interesting idea I’d like to present. I briefly touched upon how I broke form to suit my own purpose earlier. This is something that I think we, as poets, can truly benefit from. Its not simply breaking form or scheme, for the sake of breaking form or scheme though. No, the way I see it, it’s breaking form in the name of creativity, where you create something new entirely by your breaking or bending of the rules. It’s also an opportunity to add an additional element or two where, if you had obeyed the rules, never would have been able to otherwise. Another quick example to illustrate what I mean here:
Here’s a simple AB, AB ten-syllable scheme:
Dreams of yesterday, reflect through her eyes
Tranquil blues of sky and sea glistening
Tomorrow’s thorns, implanted raw through lies
Dragons of murky depths devouring
Ok, a pretty simple, yet strong AB, AB ten-syllable scheme: Yet, we can change it, simply by:
Dreams of yesterday, reflect through her eyes
Tranquil blues of sky and sea glistening
Love’s denials capitulate a blinding harangue
Tomorrow’s thorns, implanted raw through lies
Dragons of murky depths devouring
The single line does not fit any of the criteria, it is thirteen-syllables (symbolic for bad luck) and delivers a third end rhyme (an odd number), one that will not find it’s match. So, in it, just by breaking form, we turn this line into the focus of the piece, it stands alone, and also acts as a recap of the stanza prior and a lead-in to the stanza yet to come. The fact it has no match is both symbolic of loneliness and foreshadows what will be. Then, there is the case of where the line is placed. The line splits the past and the future. It acts as a physical split to a poem where a break is indeed what takes place and lingers overhead, a symbol/metaphor once again. Yet being in between, it also adds symmetry and a mirrored effect, where the image is returned conversely.
Ok, again, this is just a quick example with a not-so quick breakdown. I only include it to show but one of the many possibilities one can attain by simply breaking a little rule here and there.
So, let’s all get our shorties together and meet up at the pub, where the poetry always flows and things are always D’verse.
Heres How It Works:
• Write your poem and post it to your blog
• Add a link to your poem via the ‘Mr Linky’ below
• This opens a new screen where you’ll enter your information, and where you also choose links to read. Once you have pasted your poem’s blog URL and entered your name, click Submit. Don’t worry if you don’t see your name right away
• Read and comment on other peoples work to let them know it’s being read
• Share via your favourite social media platforms
• Above all- have fun!
Should be a fun evening. I’ve already read some of those who knew the theme ahead of time, and really like how things came out, can’t wait till the pub turns into SRO. Cheers
you know i am too much of a purist to break form…
snicker…snicker….
ha….as i said on yours once thing i do like about short form is the condensed emotion, feeling and story that allows the reader to fill the rest of the space….nice bit of fun fred…and thanks for sharing a bit of your own journey in developing your skills in this as well…
no we wouldn’t ever want to break form right lol
yeah the condensed emotion, if effective, can paint a much bigger scene than what the size of the poem itself otherwise would do. Glad you enjoyed the little personal aside of my experience coming to play around with the short verse
This is interesting: I was taught that we should not let any given form drive the poem. It must be the other way round, and that is how I read your instruction to “break form”. As for short poetry – I’ve been shrinking my poems a lot since meeting a poet who nagged me to get rid of excess words. Word choice is critical for this.
…Brian, got inspired with your poem last night…and the pic that shows line ‘about global warming’…. i can’t help but think of the lovely polar bears that i really really ‘HATE’… lol…
..smiles…
Not quite sure if any of my four attempts hits target.
I’m not good at nano 🙂
actually enjoyed them…particularly the third i think…the one i noted in my comment…some realy cool turn of phrase in it….
your’s fit, very nicely too. Enjoyed the way they work together or by themselves.
nice… i find it totally remarkable when people can paint a grabbing picture in just few words and i think it’s a good exercise to try and cut things down every once and awhile… ha…and breaking the rules..oh my…i never do this..hahaha..smiles
yeah, Brian’s really good at it, with the Gman pieces he does, I’ve never been one to maximize effectiveness in the shorter verse, well, actually, I can, but usually I’m just too impatient to take the time pulling out words and trimming a piece down to size, that is, until lately anyhow. No, you never break the rules 🙂
…LOL Claudia…
Thanks for this excellent prompt Fred…my offering is that of lines…the fewer the better as in its theme…
Anna :o]
glad you enjoyed the theme this week. Your piece is very good. Thanks
Love short poetry, do it daily on twitter, yay 🙂
you know, I used to write micropoetry all the time on twitter, but haven’t necessarily had the time in the last good while, kind of miss that immediate interaction there. Unfortunately, lately all I’ve been able to use twitter for is thanking people, adding those who add me, and tweeting links to my poems, (but that’s automatic with WP, so not sure if that counts) really need to make a concerted effort to use twitter more often. Excellent piece for the prompt Bjorn, really enjoyed it. Thanks
Hobglobin! I love the things are D’verse, too cute. I wrote something really short today, it’s open for your analysis.
Thanks, me too. I look forward to reading it when you link it up.
I enjoyed reading sooo many tonight. I think occasionally shorter gives us a breathe
r to just let it out, let’s us off the hook to speak. Perfect.
I tend to sprawl over onto a second page with most of my poetics, however have become quite adept at the “Six Word” poems on Twitter. So agree with you that we need to stretch our horizons, and brevity is one way to go. But a healthy stream of consciousness free verse using at least a dozen nonsense made-ups words can be exhilarating!
oh, you’re preaching to choir on stream, mine have been known to sprawl several pages, I free verse all the time, just kind of stopped posting them, since they typically get very low comments/views but stream writing is important, very important for any writer, to sort out the mind, empty obstructing thoughts and to warm one up for writing, whatever it is they are working on….and oh yeah, they’re a lot of fun to do as well.
Brian got me rehooked on writing the Flash 55’s for G-Man, and they are great fun; but one problem (for my ego) is they only draw very few commenters. We are a family of reciprocators, fellowship, & poetic affection at dVerse, and that really gets me pumped.
true…i have gotten away from them a bit as well…
community is big for me…
Thanks for an interesting prompt and article Fred. When I started writing poems they tended to be quite short. Recently I’ve found some of them getting longer, so this is a great chance to return to minimalism. Just 30 words at my place today 🙂
be careful once they start getting long you forget when to stop….haha or maybe that is just me…i have to make a conscious effort to shut up…smiles.
Like Fred, I sometimes like to tell stories in poetry, which does tend to lengthen things. It’s amazing how much can be suggested without being specified though.
Thanks. you’re poem is outstanding Tony. Really liked it alot
Thank you for the post and interesting challenge of writing short verses (at least 12 lines or less) ~ I enjoy these short poems as they pack a punch, a story, a reflection – neatly and powerfully. The writer is also challenged to pare away unnecessary words, and to choose them with care ~
Happy Saturday & weekend to all ~
Grace
glad you enjoyed it Grace. Excellently done on your end, really enjoyed. The paring down is a key factor for me, as the first run throughs on short verse are typically a bit longer and there is finding out what isn’t truly needed, what to cut, without sacrificing any important detail. Thanks
I’m reposting a few short and pithy verses in the blog below …
Cheers
Jim ツ
enjoyed you site. Thanks for sharing here.
I’m pleased to find this site, and all the relevant stuff about different forms of poetry, about which I know naught. I thank my friend Yiota for leading me here. I look forward to joining in more as I learn more. Thanks.
Rob
glad to have you Rob. Poetry is all about exploration and enjoyment. Experience might mean a lot to some, but all in all, the poems that are written from a certain place, regardless of any other factors at all, are always seemingly my favorites. Look forward to seeing you around here. Thanks
woot will have to give Yiota a tap on the shoulder for leading you here…glad to have you…
I had a much easier time with this one than the last challenge (I’m -still- trying to bring my sonnet up to snuff *sigh*), as I write tanka/haiku quite frequently. Had a fun time playing around with the structure. Can’t wait to see what everyone else did. Yaa-aay!!
cool…if you get your sonnet done, bring it to OLN so we can all take a look at it…trust me, form is not the easiest for me…
All poetry offers its own unique blend of difficulty. I struggle somewhat with Sonnets and really don’t do them too often, but those that can, wow, some beautifully written poetry is usually found. Just like brian said, if you get it to where you like it, we’d love to see it. Glad you enjoyed tonights prompt and enjoyed your piece. Thanks for sharing with us.
Good prompt, Fred. I like short poetry. Why use many words when few will do? Ha! And anyway variety is good. Some long. some short. I’m enjoying what others have written & will continue to do so for a while.
thanks Mary. Nicely done tonight, definitely enjoyed yours. Yeah, that’s the theory, I am so long winded by nature I find the shorter verse may take me a bit longer to do, but generally I’m pretty happy with what I get. Me too, really like what’s been shared so far. Thanks again.
Fred, this is going to be fun! Cooking up an idea now.
thanks Susan, enjoyed your piece. glad you could join us tonight.
Enjoyed the story of some of your processing and introspecting. Introspection and free-association in prose is something I can follow. 😉
Glad you enjoyed the article Sabio. Yeah, it’s been a good showing so far, can’t wait to see what you write and what others will provide throughout the weekend.
I actually love watching your mind work in prose. I can feel you better there — but then I have an untrained poetic brain.
thanks Sabio, my prose I feel is definitely more straightforward, and my poetry is most certainly more abstract. You have a smart poetic brain, you come up with some really deep and intelligent writes. Always a pleasure to read them. Thanks again for the compliment.
Awwww, thanks hobby [Fred]. Indeed ’twas a compliment to you. Even in your insane, abstract tofu-ish writing,/a> (check out the link), I find something of tantilating interest. After all, I keep going back to hurt myself! 😉
OK, now to go visit a few other Mr. Linky denizens.
Have to take a break, back is killing me right now from sitting too long. My fault for not getting up and moving around, just really enjoying what’s been submitted so far. Will take a bit of a rest and see you all later on. Great time so far, impressed as always. Thanks
smiles….enjoy…nice job fred
Okay, I admit it; I have no shame!
you know that makes me want to rush over…smiles…
I’m going to have to call it quits for tonight, but I’ll be back out on the trail tomorrow. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve read so far – lots of different approaches to savour.
I had to laugh when I saw the topic for the day. I generally don’t write short verse, but just two days ago I found my way to a lesson on the elfje, an 11 word, 5 line poetry form with fairly specific requirements for each line. I have written two so far. Today I linked to the first one I wrote because that post includes a link back to the post I found that outlines the parameters for this form. Because it was the first one I wrote I adhered exactly to the form requirements, but you could certainly bend the rules a little. Peace, Linda
I really enjoyed the piece, didn’t know about the elfje, and I didn’t think there was any forms I hadn’t either done or seen before, love that, learning something new everyday. Marked the form down and will have to give it a shot one day. Thanks
I got one for this. 🙂
Hope everyone is having an awesome weekend!
nice write Raven. Hope you have a great weekend as well. Thanks
Sunday is ‘small stone’ day for me at present, so this prompt fits perfectly. 🙂
hope the rain breaks and you can get to that garden…
enjoyed the garden poem, hopefully the rain clears. Glad the prompt fit perfectly for you. Thanks
alright…off to take a nap…been sick since yesterday and about wore out for now…poet on…been fun so far…
Hope you feel better soon Brian ~
yeah, man, you need to get better, hopefully your cold doesn’t linger around as long as mine did. Rest and chicken soup. 🙂
working on it…smiles…better today…after sleeping forever yesterday i should…still congested in the chest though….will get there….
‘Less is more’ as they say…thanks Fred!! 🙂 Happy day everyone!
Happy day to you 🙂
thanks, happy to have you here, great day to you as well.
…hi Fred… oh my..are we kindred spirits? weird coz i had actually thought of giving short verse as topic for poetics when i hosted last week…seriously..i had thought it would make a great start for me and not too harsh from a first timer… but then, settled down offering my artworks as poetic inspiration… ha…now that’s cool… smiles…
Good morning Kelvin ~ Your poetic prompt last week was wonderful ~
Grace
smiles…fred had alsosent me an email originally that karin had taken his original topic…lol….we are all resonating a bit…
yeah, definitely kindred’s a great word. I love when things like this happen, and I’ve found numerous times where something in my life is going on, and then boom, someone here on OLN or at other times writes something that fits me and my situation at that time perfectly, and it’s odd, because it is many times dead on. Love that about this place and the poets in it.
Fred,
I just stuck to haiku where I’m familiar. I tried not to break form contrary to what you’ve allowed. Thanks!
Hank
can’t go wrong with Haiku hank. Great piece you shared with us. Thanks
I got home late this evening but had to come up with something…I love those short forms. Thanks, Fred!
i loved yours gayle…
yeah, really enjoyed your poem. Glad you could share it with us.
Hi Fred – I am a great believer in short, though I don’t always achieve it. Thanks. k.
you did well..what like 4 lines…tighter than i got…
Karin, yeah, I find it completely against my nature to be brief, but that’s why I started doing these short poems, it is difficult though, at least for me as well. Enjoyed yours. Thanks for sharing it.
Hi,
attempted to write a triptych poem.. It sure is short 🙂
Sasha
ha….it is indeed….nine words….dont know i have ever written that short…
great triptych, enjoyed it. Thanks for putting it up here.
Unfortunately my pc was under repair this afternoon so, I missed out on adding my link… hopefully it’s not overbearing posting it herein… thank you ALL~ Sincerely Deborah
It shined, it rained, it blew,
Rock,
S
C
I
S
S
O
R,
paper,
All in the tone of your words:
Losing strength to choose.
[dVerse short verse prompt]
I see you were able to get the poem to link up, I’m glad you were able to. Really enjoyed this piece, love the shift here and always love the projective verse when it’s used effectively. Nicely done. And Thanks for sharing with us.
whew…you’ve been busy while i was sleeping..out on the trail to catch up..
whew, indeed Claudia. Took a long nap, hopped back on and just got caught up now. You’ll have fun catching up, lots of great pieces shared tonight.
yeah…lots of great pieces indeed… enjoyed running into kelvin and you on the trail as well…good to have a bit of company on the trail while america’s still sleeping…smiles
Just what the doctor ordered, I think. Thanks for.
Excellent prompt.
Hmmmm. Writing a short poem sure can take a long time sometimes! That was the case for me tonight. I gotta get some (short) sleep!
good morning poets…some nice over nights…will pop back in in a little bit…
Late as usual…will do my reading this evening..basketball tournament all weekend..I might add that my short verse is very plain, no hyperbole, metaphoric heroics or imagery..nothing profound 😉
Came in late from work last night, and never even said hello after posting, sorry about that! Shared a piece that looks pretty obvious and straightforward, but may or may not be quite what it seems. Checked out some of the great writing here last night, will spend some time today reading more. Thanks for the great prompt , Fred! I often write in short verse. Forces someone who tends to be wordy (like me!) to write more succinctly, forces clarity in few words. A great exercise!
just swaying in on a breeze of sunshine and first springflower scent…ahhhhh…can you smell it….smiles…wonderful day over here….long walk with friends and now, drunk with spring and playing catch up…smiles
so jealous Claudia. Woke up with my car covered in snow. Can’t wait for the nice weather to return.
Couldn’t resist this one, Fred–what an excellent prompt.
I am about to exit stage left for a day of pre-spring gardening chores, but will return later to read.
so glad you made it Hedge, you always have excellent contributions and really enjoyed your offering(s) this week.
great prompt – i love writing short verse
I like this prompt very much Fred 😉
Thanks to everyone who contributed so far. Will check back in later this evening when I get some additional time to spend reading and writing. Really impressed with everyone’s poems, couldn’t have planned a better response and showing if I planned it out myself.
Just love the irony of you tossing out short verse, Fred. I just returned from a weekend with my Mom so will mull this around for Tuesday. I love working in short verse. Great post.
Thanks Victoria, it truly is an irony, at least for my main site. I’ve been working with the shorter verse as mentioned, and it’s a lot of fun, even though much more difficult to harness the same details and exploration in a much, much tighter space. Look forward to your piece on OLN. Thanks
Fun time at the Pub as always!
Thanks guys!!! 🙂
Good prompt – I’m not sure I had a form at all, but I did try to write something short and in the moment. Perhaps it was a very overweight haiku.
Thanks for everyone that joined in Poetics this week. Was truly a blast reading all the short verse, and really very impressed by the poems and the poets, which, isn’t anything really new for D’Verse prompts, but nonetheless, impressive still. Already begun thinking about the next theme for I believe in 6 weeks. Until then, can’t wait to see all the other excellent prompts that the community brings forth. Thanks again. Truly was fun.
loved the theme and penned one too but somewhere in a frenzy to catch with too many things at one time…error and missed linking the post. 😦